fragments of hope.

my apologies.

2009-08-12T09:38:00.003+08:00

I’m sorry babe. I just need to know how to manage my temper well.

But I thank you, for understanding me well.

I love you, now and always.

jump high.

2009-08-03T16:02:00.005+08:00

Flea market held at both St. James and Zouk were one of the best fleas I have been to. Maybe the extra factor because the boyfriend got some stuffs for himself too.

I really had a great time, or shall I shall say we both had a great day. Here was how we spent the day.I was supposed to meet the boyfriend at 1130, but me being the latecomer as usual, made him wait for half an hour. Sorry hunn. We then headed down straight to Vivo for the St James flea. I must admit this people, it was my first time experiencing being in a club. Eh wait. I think it’s the second. The first was the one I attended a meeting session with Taufik Batisah way back in Sec 2 together with Tashah. And that was DblO. Lol. Okay, sorry for side tracking. Back to the story. I was pretty thrilled when I first entered, feeling all jittery and excited at the same time. But the more time I spent in the club, the more claustrophobic I felt. It was jam-packed with humans I tell you! Some idiotic girl even brought her daughter and was literally pushing her around with the big unnecessary pram. That’s like just plain stupidity, don’t you think so? Anyways, we practically ransacked most of the items there. The weird thing is this: a flea market is supposed to be a place for second-hand goods but the stalls there were mostly selling brand new items. OH! And there were this two girls selling their pre-loved clothes and their caption on the box was this: “One for $10, two for $8.” Hahah! My boyf and I literally stared at each other and just burst out laughing. I don’t know why, but it was really bizarre for me. And since I’m like an open-minded girl, I went up to them and asked them, “Are you serious?”. LOL. Sorry. I just had to do that to their faces. I wanted to get this zipper floral dress that the auntie(yes, AUNTIE) was selling for 25 bucks. But my dearest Andik Imran somehow manipulated my mind that it’s not worth spending that kind of money in a flea market. True that. So I agreed and went searching for other stuffs instead. I kept telling myself that I’m not going home empty handed. Finally, this Chanel-inspired bag caught my attention. Moreover, it was the same kind of bag that I’ve been dying to have. When I looked at the tag, it reads $26. So I just stood there, admiring it thinking whether or not I should get it. While doing so, the owner came up to me and told me that she was willing to let it go for 18bucks. I was like 15bucks and I’m taking it. And she’s like OKAY! WOOHOO! I got my bargaining traits from my daddy, you know? After which, I left St. James as a happy little girl. Right honey? (:

We had our breakfast + lunch = brunch at Banquet. We were starving like hungry ghosts! And I finally had a taste of the cockles kway teow there. Haha! Every time we’re there, I always have the yong tau foo. But deary had that yesterday, so I settled for the kway teow! It was not bad albeit the fact that it costs me $4, but it was worth it. I didn’t even manage to finish my food because the serving is quite a lot for one person. We walked around Vivo, tackling those stores that were having sale. Call us cheapskates, but that's how we roll.

At around 4, we left the place and headed down to Zouk. It was a taxing task just to get to the place. Now I wonder why I always say that Singapore is small when I can get lost at times? Contradicting? I know right! To cut the story short, Zouk was a better flea than St James. I got a high-waisted Esprit skirt for 6bucks and the best buy is a pair of ZARA HEELS FOR $6! Yes, retail price is $199 and the girl wanted to sell for $10 but I bargained for 6 and I got it! The sole of the shoes are still in perfect condition, the whole pair was! Though it was slightly big for me, the girl made a good suggestion that I could just send the shoes to the cobbler to make it a perfect fit and she was right! So that’s why I bought it! My man himself got two ZARA men cardigans for $20. Well, that’s another good buy since they are still brand new!
Tampines 1 was our next stop. There, I got myself another dress from Dorothy Perkins. I can’t help it since it was priced for only $19. So it was like a grab-and-go thing. But Deary persuaded me to go and try it on first. So I did. And I was satisfied with it. I was even more satisfied when I got a ten dollars voucher because my points were up for redemption. Sexy!
That was a summarized of how we both spent the day yesterday. Mind you, I don’t usually go out on Sundays. But yesterday, I just had to because of the flea markets.

P.S: I shall see you when I see you mister. And I hope it’ll be on Tuesday. Alright love?

Chao chao!

you took something perfect and painted it in red.

2009-07-30T12:39:00.002+08:00

I was late for class today, yet again. And since I was already running late, I pretty much took my own sweet time before coming for class. I got myself a drink and a sandwich. I was basically taking my own sweet time. LOL. Mom was literally shouting at me early in the morning, forcing me out of bed. Me being a sweet and thoughtful daughter/ girlfriend, decided to drag my lazy bum to school eventually because I just can’t afford to disappoint my parents and also dearest boyfriend. I know right! But classes on Thursdays are the best for me.

I just realized that I have not been blogging much lately. And I’m really not so sure why either. Maybe because I just don’t have the drive to blog constantly like I used to. Maybe also because I’m just plain exhausted from all the school and work.

On another exciting note, I am really looking forward to this Sunday. You want to know why? Because right, Mr. AndikImran and I have a date with the flea markets. Yes! I can’t wait to shop, albeit the fact that I’m broke. Well, not really actually. Mom gave me a hundred bucks this morning. I badly need new clothes and shoes and bags to go along with, and even more accessories. My to-get list is getting longer and longer each day. So I guess I will make good use of that money to stock up my wardrobe. But when I get my pocket money and my pay next week, most of it will go into Deary’s birthday fund. I hope so. I’ve got about two months left to save and get everything I have planned for his birthday. (:

Madasa’s and my baby niece’s birthdays are coming soon too. Speaking of them, I miss them oh-so-much. I saw my baby boncit and my baby nephew last Tuesday, but Madasa? It’s been decades I last saw her. Goodness. Only God knows how much I miss them all.

P.S: have I mentioned that I regret coming to class today? Today’s problem is fucking tough and I bloody hell have no idea what to do. Shit. I should have just stayed home and rot.

It's just you and me, against the world.

2009-07-27T10:03:00.002+08:00

Happy 17th, honey.

I pray for many many more to come.

i love you.

boys boys boys.

2009-07-15T12:10:00.004+08:00

yesterday, i sent my computer for servicing. mind you, i had to travel all the way from Pasir Ris to Jurong East okay? thank goodness, i had great company. thank you hor, mister! anyway, finding the damn place was such a nuisance. we had like so many pit stops, asking many different people for the right directions. and all they could do is point here and there! i mean, come on! God created you with functional limbs, you know. the least you could do is speak up. is that like so difficult? GOSH. i think love and i took about an hour or so trying to reach the place. when we finally did, i was thankful that the queue was not that long like how i thought it'd be. we even managed to grab some lunch across the street, and still snap some random photos. while we were out yesterday, i TRIED stopping MR.ANDIK IMRAN from smoking. i even took his pack of ciggs and hid it in my bag. i kept reminding him that "If you want it, do something to deserve it." hahahahahahah! evil? i know right! but boys being boys, not having a puff or two, is like the end of the world for them. here i am trying to save him from killing and damaging his livers and lungs, there he was kept begging and pleading, which i found very annoying and can do nothing but give in. you see. i was trying my hardest to be a good girlfriend to keep him healthy by keeping him away from his fags. BUT HE, ahhh. let's just drop it.

we then decided to roam around IMM because i have not been there before! absurd, i know. but what to do. i cant be bothered travelling all the way from the east just to check the place out. and boy, i tell you! i felt that the mall was nothing more like _______. it was so disappointing being there, because from what i've heard, they've got pretty much good things around. luckily, Daiso and Honeydew Milk tea were the ones to make my visit quite worthwhile. Daiso there is HUGE and the most important part was, it was so neat and clean unlike the other two stores in Vivo and PS. i got myself a belt, some stationery for my room and a mini tripod for my camera!

on another mundane note, i've finally managed to convince Cat into getting a blog so she can have her daily rants. based on my experience, having a blog allows one to express themselves in whichever, whatever mood they are in. it helps alot. so for you people who enjoy bitching or talking about your life, go get one too. and Cat, since you've finally created one, as promised, i'll do my best in trying to make your nice and sexy okay? but you'll have to wait till i get my lappy back, which i will by the end of this week. alrighty?

chao chao.

hello?

2009-07-13T11:06:00.002+08:00

Upset. Disappointed. Pissed. Hurt. Sad. Rejected.

That’s what I feel right now. The past week has been nothing but shitty for me. I really had a terrible week. To top it all off, I just have no one to turn to now. I have friends who are there to listen, but where are the people I thought promised to be there for me when I need a shoulder to cry and to lean on?

One thing after another. From work, to family, to even my relationship. I seriously feel that God is being unfair to me lately. Everything in my life is crumbling down, everything is falling to pieces. Bit by bit, time to time. Have I committed a HUGE sin to deserve all these? I got fucked upside down at work yesterday, I almost lost my phone that cost me 600 bucks and I nearly made an impulsive decision to break things up between me and my boyfriend. Where is everybody? From my girlfriends from KC, my best friend from Perth, my soul sister I never had, to even my true love. WHY?

I’m now surrounded by no one, nothing but four empty walls. Who should I confide in? You, you or you? I want to turn to Him, but I’d be the one unfair towards Him. Because why? Only in times like these, I’d want to realise that He’s the only one I could really pour my feelings out too. Although I know for a fact that whatever that has been happening in my life all lies in His hands, I just have to accept that. There is nothing I could do, but pray.

Pray that tomorrow will always be a better day.
Pray that tomorrow I would not regret the things I have done before.
Pray that I still have the people I love in life.
Pray that God will always be with me.
Pray that luck will be on my side more often.
Pray that I will always have you.

suria hatiku.

2009-07-10T13:51:00.005+08:00

Like many others in class, we would be busy with Facebook when boredom strikes. So here’s what I did when I was bored.

The meaning of my name:

You are charming, talented and have a very positive attitude to life so it is hardly surprising that you attract success and recognition. Focussed and patient you understand that material rewards are a result of discipline. Being so creative and with a need for self-expression you may be drawn towards the arts, travel is also likely to be important. A loyal friend, you are a person who must be allowed freedom and independence.

self shot.

May the Heavens bless your soul.

2009-07-09T10:44:00.003+08:00

I remember vividly how I used to sing along to the tunes of his song from his album ‘ Dangerous’ when I was just about six years old. All I could do is try to sing along to the song because obviously I know nothing about the lyrics, what more appreciate them at that point of time.

But as I grew, the more I listen to his songs, I realized how talented this guy really is. As I grew, only then I began understanding the true meaning of his songs. Some of my favorites are ‘Heal the world’ and ‘You are not alone.’ No words can ever express how his death has made an impact to all of us. It is truly a shock. But life goes on. We all have to go one day too and there is nothing much we could do about it.

RIP, Michael. We will always miss you.

Dangerzone.

2009-07-08T12:39:00.001+08:00

I have a friend. A close friend whom I got to know from work, who was there most of time when I’m in my craziest or even worst mood during work time. The bond grew as time passes by, but I guessed it kind of went out of hand. Or shall I say, over the boundaries? I guess he thought things might turn out his way. But you guessed wrong, boy.

I’ve told you in the beginning not to ruin the friendship. Now, that once strong bond is gone. Told you not to push your luck, reminded you to not blow it away. There are so many other things you don’t know about me. You might think that you know me well, but you’re wrong. There are lots more about my life, my character, about who I am. Now that opportunity is no longer around. I thought the friendship we built could go miles, but it’s a pity that things turn out differently.

If you think I’d let go of everything I have now, just so you could be happy, and then I’m sorry to say that you’re quite a shallow man. I have no regrets with any of my decisions I made in my life and I am proud to keep my head held high.

Your time will come. You will find your love one day, I’m sure of that. You just have to be patient. You’re not the only soul that’s been single for years. Your other half is out there, at some corner of the world. You just have to wait, and stop hoping that I am the one.

like we used to.

2009-07-01T09:51:00.002+08:00

"love conquers all."

how true. there's no such thing when it comes to limits when loving, but when it becomes an obsession, something is definitely not right. it takes time for one party to realise that. and i pray that that time will soon come. if you feel that it's worth leaving for the sake of the love you once had and you know that makes you happy, so be it. i'll be happy if you are. but do remember one thing. i don't want to say, " i told you so."

Part of the list.

2009-06-22T21:41:00.003+08:00

Style of your hair,
shape of your eyes and your nose,
the way you stare
As if you see, right through to my soul.

It's your left hand and the way
that it's not quite as big as your right,
the way you stand in the mirror
before we go out at night,

Our quiet time,
your beautiful mind,

They're a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.

The way you sweet smell
lingers when you leave a room,
Stories you tell as we lay
in bed all afternoon.

I dreamed you now every night
in my mind is where we meet.
and when I'm awake
staring at pictures of you asleep.

Touching your face,
invading you space.

They're a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.

Oooh, and you'll live in my memories forever more I swear.
And you'll live in my memories forever more I swear.

They're a part of the list.
Things that I miss.
Things like your funny little laugh,
the way you smile, or the way we kiss.

What I noticed is this:
I come up with
something new, every single time
that I sit and reminisce.

Oh-whoa-whoa
Oh-whoa-whoa
Oh-whoa-whoa

Oh-whoa-whoa
Oh-whoa-whoa

my final teenage year.

2009-06-16T16:12:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I turned a year older. The saddening part was that I was sick. That basically means that I did not go out for any form of celebration. Luckily enough, I had a pre-celebration with Deary on Saturday after work. It was a laid back one, but it was perfect enough for me. With great company, what more can I ask for.

the perfect gift.

dance the night away.

2009-06-04T15:15:00.002+08:00

we'd walk aimlessly without plan
and not regret it at the end of the day
cos we always know how to make the best out of everything.

my wish list for my 19th.

2009-05-28T12:36:00.002+08:00

there's more to come, i think.
hehehe.

do wait for me.

2009-05-28T11:22:00.001+08:00

i'll be updating my blog. soon!
(:

what will you do if you were in my shoes?

2009-05-18T21:53:00.001+08:00

I am really baffled with the situation I am in right now. I don’t wish to elaborate any further, because it’ll make things much more complicated than it already is. So yeah. Here's to you.

To whom it may concern.

I am totally clueless as to why you’re reacting like this towards me. Because honestly, I personally feel that it is really childish of you. You’re not just wasting your time, but you’re wasting mine too. My time and my energy are better off spent on some other consequential matters. But this, I’d rather pass. It’s funny how your conscience is playing tricks on you. This is enough to prove that you’re being insecure. I’m not sure if you’re aware of it. Aware or not, your thoughts and impression of me is not going to bring me down. In fact, it’s quite fascinating that I have such impact on you. Funny. You can go on blabbering about me. Go ahead and bitch and rant about me for all I care. I really don’t give two shits. But get this straight. Nothing you say is going to stop me from building a strong friendship with your girl. It doesn’t have to take many months or years to build a good rapport with someone. It’s a matter on how you build it. I may only know her for a few months and you may have known her for years, but so what? This is the start of our friendship. We’ve got many other things to learn about each other. And mark my words, we will. I will never sacrifice this friendship I have built with her just because of you. You want to know why? Because you’re not someone worth my sacrifices, or any of us. You’ve ought to think through. Go have some soul-searching. I think you’re just lost, that’s all.

Here’s an advice from me. Instead of probing me with all your useless and worthless questions, I think it’s best if you ask those questions yourself. To be honest, you have the answers to them. Stop acting like a jerk. Stop behaving as though I have been the one who’s creating problems to your own relationship. Do you even have any idea what a relationship means? I guess not. So go open up a dictionary and study their definitions. That’s a good start for beginners like you. My conscience is clear. Everyone knows that, including your girl, my friend.

xoxo,

me.

he heals me.

2009-05-11T10:29:00.002+08:00

this explains all.
(:

to have and to hold.

2009-05-07T15:07:00.001+08:00

Omg. Guess what module I am having today! Programming! Dammit. I am so not in the mood for this today. And I have no idea why my tummy is acting up on me. I think my gastric is back. Argh!

And I have today! After four days of not going to work, I do admit I’m missing Kino already. Hahah! I miss being in the counter and shelving those big bulky books. Oh! And the shrink-wrapping machine too! With the boys there, my shrink-wrapping session just keeps me entertained. Their crap and nonsense, I’m telling you! Worse than aunties. LOL.

Anyway, my sis-in-law was admitted to the hospital yesterday because her water bag broke. And the worst part is that is she is only seven months pregnant. I was so worried about her condition that I decided to take a day off from school and look after my niece and see how my sis was doing. BUT, even after being there for more than three hours, I wasn’t allowed to visit her. I am really worried about her condition and my unborn nephew. Yes! I have a niece and now, I’m having a nephew! It’s so perfect, right? But yeah. I was told that the doctor is not allowing her to give birth just yet, reason being is to have the baby’s lungs stabilised because he’s still not strong enough. Omg. And today, bro just informed that they’re moving her from the delivery suite to the normal ward first and wait for her contractions to get worse. What the hell. Like hello? My nephew’s life is at stake. I’m praying hard that nothing bad happens and that everything will go on smoothly. Insyaallah. (:

Sooo, since I’ll be working today and tomorrow after class, I shall visit her again on Saturday. I’ll go with mummy, maybe, and I’ll go off for dinner with Deary after that. He’s got to study for his exams, so we can’t spend the whole day together. It’s okay. Dinner is good enough for me. Hehe.

Chao chao!

cherish and treasure.

2009-05-06T23:23:00.004+08:00

the way you love me

pushes away the infidelity away

just like the stars

staying faithful to the moon

holding on the strong promises you made

to be with me till death

you mesmerised me

with your honesty to be by my side

the more i love you

the more i realise that

youre the one that's worthy of me

the one that can hold my hand

and guide me through

this cruel world.

the way you pamper me,

it's like the rainbows' colors

that never failed

to brighten my days.

dont ever doubt our love

when we have our trust and honesty.

cos we know that

both you and i are made for each other

and that the sky is our witness

for eternity.

with love, me.

stay close to me.

2009-05-05T11:24:00.002+08:00

time is taking its slow pace
trying to get hold of the journey we're trying to take.
memories that's been written
folds together and forms up like a dilemma

did you ever wonder that
this emotion i have in me will never fade away?
that the love i have for you is here to stay?

the tears at night that kept flowing
never fails to wet my eyes
but i'm still holding on
cos i know there is still hope
and the light that's been guiding us
is still shining bright.

what i have in hold now,
is not easy for me to let go

i've fallen deep in your love
i've given you all that i've got
but are you beginning to doubt this love we share?

i don't have a clue
on what i have lacking in me
but now, i know that it's too late
cos i have loved you and i will always will

but i'm still holding on
cos i know there is still hope
and the light that's been guiding us
is still shining bright.

what i have in hold now,
is not easy for me to let go.

-natasha.

the rain and the sunshine.

2009-05-02T00:20:00.002+08:00

time is really passing by so fast! today's already the 01st of May. in a blink, i'd be nineteen already. my birthday's next month! heheh. my life has been pretty much hectic ever since school has started, i think. i've been thinking about the various topics i should be doing for my project. school's okay, i guess. okay as in quite fun? the amount of time i spend in school is lesser than the time i spend at Kino? huahuahua. kidding. i dread going to work sometimes. but oh well! when my pocket feels heavy with cash, then that's why i feel that work is worthwhile afterall.

speaking of Kino, i changed my tmr's afternoon shift to morning. cos I want to spend the rest of my Saturday night with Deary. but so far, no plans on where to go yet. he's having exams starting from tmr so i guess i cant be so selfish as to want him to spend all his free time with me. and since he's working on Tuesday-which is my day off from school-i think i'll hit for the gym. i seriouslyyyy need to lose weight.

okay! my bed's calling me already. or is it my bf? heheheh!

you're the best man i'll ever know.

2009-04-26T21:21:00.001+08:00

There's no way.

We're part of the same place.

We're part of the same time.

We both share the same blood.

We both have the same mind.

And time and time we have so much to share.

history repeats itself?

2009-04-26T02:14:00.001+08:00

The worst thing that I’m afraid that might happen to me is for me to lose someone I really love. In relation to it, I’m very afraid of losing my relationship. I once lost it to a girl. And I don’t wish for it to ever happen again this time round. You can call it being paranoid whenever I know that some girl from love’s workplace texts him or whatsoever. My mind starts to spin round and round and round. You know why? That’s exactly what happened before. It all started off with the texting thing. And soon, it’ll become like a habit. Maybe not habit. More like a must-do. My mom keeps reminding me that I should never compare my Andik Imran to anyone else, especially him. She always says that my relationship will suffer if I think too much. But me being me, I really can’t help it at times. With all the facebook and texting. But you know what, I’ve been trying not to think or even worry about this girl. So what if she’s smarter than me? I don’t care. I do express my feelings and thoughts about this to my boyfriend. And he will say that he’s different from all the other guys. And I do believe that because I can’t NEVER imagine him betraying him just for a girl. I really don’t.

without you, my life doesn't shine,

2009-04-24T17:44:00.003+08:00

A week of school has just passed. Although it’s a brand new term and a brand new year, things have been quite much the same, except for the fact that I have to rush down to town for work after school. Sometimes, the thought of work makes me sick especially ever since I found out that there’s someone in Kino who is trying to bring down my name. Too bad you bitched to wrong person, asshole. Truth is, you’re the one that is ruined.

So, that aside, I have not met my dearest boyfriend for three days? Four? The last I saw him was on Tuesday, when he came to fetch me home from work. I miss him badly. It’s by far the worse maybe because of my hormones. Or perhaps, my love for him is stronger? Hahah! But good news is that we’ll be meeting tmr.

Since this coming Monday, 27^th April, is our fourteenth, we have planned to catch ‘17 Again’ since I’ve got free tickets for that. Oh and! Deary wants to get me the phone I’ve been saving up for on Monday too! I can’t wait! So sexciting. Hehe. I am definitely going to pounce on him when I see him tmr. Like seriously.

Alrighty. I’ve got to pack up now since work starts at 6. But I don’t care if I’m late. Today’s Friday and I’m very sure that Ngee Ann City will be packed. So if I punch in early, I have to handle more customers. Oh no no! I’m not feeling well, so these people better not piss me off. Okay! I shall blog soon. Chao chao!

search my soul.

2009-04-24T15:00:00.001+08:00

i am selfishly in love with you.
and i am missing you terribly.

save your kisses for our lonely nights.

2009-04-20T01:37:00.001+08:00

it aches so sweet.

just who the hell do you think you are?

2009-04-19T00:13:00.000+08:00

“Why don't you focus on understanding your own emotions and forget about trying to figure out why someone else is acting so weird? You need to take a new point of view regarding a difficult friend -- if they are pouting or being moody, just leave them be. Their problems, while annoying or troubling to you as well, are their own to solve. You can't fix their life for them, as much as you might want to. You're doing them no favors by offering advice that they're never going to take.”

Sometimes I ponder who my real friends are and also, how well they’ll appreciate me. I don’t expect them to repay me or whatsoever, but just don’t be a hypocrite. That is one of the things I despise most. I feel so betrayed when someone is being double-faced towards me. Life is weird. Every one is created in their own special way for a reason. There’s always a first to everything. That’s why trust and honesty is the main key for me to build a relationship. You break my trust once that is it. Period.

Who are my real friends? Who can I really depend on? I don’t need a lot of them. I just need a few, and that is already hard enough to name them.

i try to capture it every moment.

2009-04-17T00:43:00.001+08:00

I go bonkers when I go Bras Basah. Just the thought of it gets me all excited. It’s all because of the cheap novels they have there. I headed there for a couple hours yesterday when I was paying my grandmother a visit and my niece at my brother’s place. Since Bras Basah was only a couple of stops away from their place, I decided to get the books on my own. Yes, I was alone. I actually had fun though. Although it would be better to have company, they would try to stop me from buying too many stuff. So in other words, it was better to be alone at such places. Lol. Just kidding. My dearest boyfriend was busy at work and madasa had some other plans in hand already.

Work was rather fun today. Maybe because I spent almost two hours shrink-wrapping trolleys full of bulky books. And they were quite tough to wrap okay! It was really troublesome. Thank goodness for them boys who were doing the same too? At least I had some company to crap with. Plus I was feeling super hungry throughout the whole time at work. The smell of nasi padang coming from the pantry was really making my tummy growl even louder. Lol. You can’t blame me because I only had two slices of bread for the whole day. Mom scolded me for that. Hahah. Oh and! The best part was that deary managed to knock off early from work, so he came to fetch me and off we went home together!

And now, after a hearty meal- not really, actually, considering the fact that I can’t even finish half of the food I had- I’m busy typing away on the comp while everyone’s busy sleeping. I really feel that I have insomnia. Is it?

yesterday and today.

2009-04-14T00:37:00.002+08:00

it seriously takes “two hands to clap”, in order to keep the relationship “alive”, even after years of knowing each other. It is only natural that things may slow down but the commitment depends on each other’s efforts to still make both partners feel as secure and special as during the “honeymoon” period.

As simple as being encouraging, by offering words of support for our partner, when they need it or even complimenting on how they look, will contribute a whole lot to the relationship.However, if words become superfluous, a nice hug while waiting in queue or simply just holding hands, while watching television at home, would help greatly in cultivating a stronger relationship. Do it for yourselves and not for just a competition or the eyes of others. Afterall, even if it is for those reasons, your insincerity and awkwardness will eventually show and you gain nothing in the end.

It is impossible to fake sincere love because it is not an act or a lie.

laughter and tears.

2009-04-12T22:46:00.003+08:00

"Sit by me, my beloved, and listen to my heart; smile, for your happiness is a symbol of our future; be merry, for the sparkling days rejoice with us. My soul is warning me of the doubt in your heart, for doubt in love is a sin. "

i love you, Andik Imran. i can't wait to see you tmr.

truth is..

2009-04-07T01:34:00.002+08:00

this.

no matter how much of a jerk we both can be, deep down inside, i love you hell of alot.

Together or Apart?

2009-04-06T19:11:00.000+08:00

“We're indeed human beings and we have flaws, and even more surprising is sometimes you learn things about yourself you never knew, and sometimes you don't actually like what you learn about yourself.”

who's playing in your city tonight?

2009-04-02T21:29:00.001+08:00

I've got my driving stuffs settled. (most of it, though)
I’ve bought lots of brand new clothes for school term but there can never be enough. Right?
I’ve got brand new shades for only two freaking bucks. Heheh!
I’ve resumed my online shopping. (They’re not impulse buys okay)
I’ve got my pay and I think I’ve spent half of it. (OH SHIT!)
I’m getting another pay next week soon though. (YAY!)
I’ve just make the photo of my dream phone as my wallpaper.
I’m thinking whether I should get the t-shirt dress from TOPSHOP which fcuking hell will cost me another 36bucks when I can get online for half that price.
I’m still in the process of persuading my parents to help me pay half of the price of the phone I want.
I’m excited to hug and kiss my boyfriend tomorrow morning. (hopefully)
I can’t wait to see my baby niece this Sunday.
(:

for life.

2009-04-02T00:49:00.001+08:00

where are you Madasa?

he's got a place in my heart.

2009-03-30T13:20:00.002+08:00

"and afterall, you're my wonderwall."

lose track of time.

2009-03-27T13:39:00.003+08:00

We’ve been so occupied with work. Most of the days spent were working our asses off. Thank goodness we always manage to find some time off to have quality time together. With just a blink of an eye, it’s been thirteen months together. I have faith in us. I can almost see the dream I’m always dreaming. It’s as though we’re just a step away from achieving it. All we got to do is to keep our head held high and to strive, together. It’s not about how much time we always have, it’s about how we make use of the little time we have. Keep pushing on, keep holding on strong. We’ll continue praying each day that we’re going to make it far.

To grow old and wrinkly together.

Happy 13th, dear love! :D

( this was soo long ago. it was taken last year. hahah! )

can't waitttt for tmr baby.

ycnegreme. (emergency)

2009-03-26T15:03:00.003+08:00

i can't wait for my pay dayyyy! for both jobs! i've listed out the things i want to get and even have them prioritised. kiasu sia. the number one thing to get is my dammit phone! and with that, it means that my shopping spree has to be postponed. thank goodness, my parents are still giving me my school allowance although i'm already working. heh! once i'm done with my wishlist, only then i shall start saving. now cannot make it, seriously. unless there's people who's willing to get me the things i want/need. lol. i've got work at 6 today, but i'm getting ready to head down to the library first. i need to return the overdued books and also to borrow new ones. but i don't have Deary's card with me. :( how eh? i can't use mine because i've not paid my fines. too much ah. i don't want to waste my money paying fines. oh! speaking of which, i pray hard that my handphone bill won't cost a bomb this month. if i exceed the initial amount, i'd end up paying them myself. oh nooo!i better stop calling people. except for love though. heh.

tmr's the 27th. another month has passed. fast ah? loves it.

we could dance through the night.

2009-03-21T23:24:00.002+08:00

In years to come, we’ll have our very own business.
You’ll be your own boss and I’ll be a teacher.
We’ll start off with a simple house but with sophisticated lifestyle.
We’ll have our own couple time for a few years then start a family.
Together.

how can i ever not love you even for a moment.

you make me go crazy, you know.

to write me another love song.

2009-03-20T23:51:00.003+08:00

I seriously have to start taking my meals on time. This past whole week I’ve been having my dinner at 11. That’s freaking late! By the time I finish work and get home, that’s the fastest time I can have my dinner. I always want to skip it, but my mom always forces me to eat. She’ll never allow me to skip my dinner. My main concern is to not grow fat by having meals late at night. All thanks to my mother I’ve never missed even one. Same goes for my grandma. She’ll nag and nag to ask me to eat, especially before I leave for work. I always end up explaining to her the same old thing that I’m late and I can’t be bothered taking my breakfast because that means I’m going to be even late than I already am. She’ll sometimes even call me at work, asking me whether I’ve had my meal. My mummy, my grandma and even my daddy. I had gastric pains when I was working at ELC last year. So the reason they are so concern is because they do not want me to suffer. I suffered so much when I had gastric during work. But, times are different now. BUT STILL! I can’t be eating late at night lah. I don’t want to grow fat! Because of work, I’ve not been able to squeeze time for running anymore. That’s why I always feel fat. Not to worry though. My schedule won’t be as hectic as this week for the many weeks to come. Hooray! Two more days for the atrium period still and I smell the big bucks already.

So Kinokuniya, here I come!

I need a new phone! Anyone who knows where to get cheap latest Nokia phone, please let me know! The only intention I am working so hard is to get a damn new phone and many more essentials! School term is starting soon in less than a month, so I really need to restock my wardrobe. hahah! Mom keeps complaining that I have more than enough clothes already but I keep telling her that there are never enough clothes when you’re a tertiary student! Hahah!

While I was at work, I can’t help but notice at the many couples that passes by our store. I was filled with envy everytime I see such people hugging and kissing. Every time that happens, I realized that I was missing my boyfriend so badly. Although it has been only two days since I last saw him, it must be my loving hormone that’s missing him a whole lot. Thank goodness it’s already Saturday! I’ll be meeting him in a few hours? Ok not really. Half a day more, seriously? I have work lah tomorrow morning. I have to get that done first. After that, I’m off to see him! We’re heading to town, I think. It’s been gazillion years since we last went there together. Hahah! I need to get something from Ralph Lauren and also to check some other stuffs. I hope I’ll receive my pay soon. I really need to buy a lot of things. Alright then. Shall blog again soon.

i have a date with my girlfriends to go hunt for cheap clothes next week, provided we've all gotten our pay. heheh.

i can't wait to see you mister. like, seriously.

i'm doing it.

2009-03-17T12:08:00.002+08:00

Things have been really hectic for me lately, especially with work. I’ve been working straight days now and will still be working for the rest of the week because of the atrium sale that my store is having. And today, I have my driving test! It starts at 1.15pm but here I am, blogging still. I got a lot to update but I guess I’ll do that when I have the free time. Chao!

oh! i'm officially a permanent Bookstore Assistant for Kinokuniya at Ngee Ann City. hahahah!

that's one of the things that's fulfilled.

more to go.

don't know why you love me. but that's why i love you.

you catch me when i fall, accept me with flaws and all.

and that's why i love you.

because.

2009-03-17T01:08:00.001+08:00

The more we learn about our true selves each day; it only makes our bond stronger.
The fact we're not acting to be someone else just to please makes you even more the perfect partner. Our acceptance and sincerity is always spelt genuinely and true, ever since then, my quest for true love ended, since the day i met you.

Magical fairy, please grant me my wish.

2009-03-09T19:02:00.004+08:00

· A brand new phone. (E71 or Nokia 5800)
· A digicam!
· A wallet/ clutch/ purse.
· Many dresses!
· itouch!
· A makeover for my room.
· A new job that pays well and have me work for them

a lot in a month. (Kinokuniya, hurry up and call me!)
· Flipflops from Ripcurl.
· Sandals from ZARA.
· Small mini HP laptop!

that's all for now.

i'd be grateful if i could get all these(or at least some of them) before the school term begins.

ahhhh!

dreams on fire.

2009-03-08T02:19:00.001+08:00

mine.

always have, always will.

In your eyes i'd like to stay.

2009-03-06T16:25:00.003+08:00

I’ve not touched your face.
I’ve not kissed your lips.
I’ve not hugged you.
I’ve not smelled you.
I’ve not seen your smile.
I’ve not heard your laughter.
I’ve not listened to your stories.

All for three straight days already.

All over again.

2009-03-05T00:57:00.003+08:00

I love thrift shops! They’re very fun places to shop. Even if you’re doing it on impulse, you won’t regret it at the end of the day. Instead, you’ll feel very satisfied with the good buys you’ve got. They’re just irresistible that you just have to grab whatever you feel is nice.
I went hunting for cheap clothes with Tuty today, and I least expect to spend little money on so many clothes today. And guess what! I got a high-waisted skirt that was selling for $15 online, for just 3bucks! And I got two different ones! A polka dot navy and a plain black one! Along with those were three other $3 tops. I felt soooo happy despite knowing that bank balance is getting lesser and lesser each day. Lol.
I’ve yet to fulfill my wish in visiting any of the Salvation Army Thrift Stores. I’ve heard many good reviews about them, but I haven’t got any time to travel that far. Everyone’s very busy including my dearest boyfriend.

Should i go for an express manicure on Friday so that my nails will be nicely done just in time for Tashah's party or should i just get a verynice subtle nail polish and ask mom a favor to do it for me instead? hmm. that way i could save the 15bucks.

wah! so much just to get your nails done ah?

the power of money.

now i get what you mean, baby.

heeee!

no shortcuts.

2009-03-03T22:46:00.002+08:00

Sacrifice:
a giving up of something valuable or important for somebody considered to be of more value or importance.

It really makes me feel so touched everytime you do this. Like, fighting against the strong wind and heavy rain, just to make sure I’m safe and comfortable.

A perfectly good heart.

2009-03-01T12:50:00.000+08:00

If the vision is uncertain, we’ll make do with it.
If we have to struggle a bit to lead a happy life, we’ll make do with it.
If we have to scrimp and save, for the sake of our future, we’ll make do with it.
If we have to cry and feel some pain, to feel happy at the end of the day, we’ll make do with it.
We’ll make do with anything, for as long as we can be together.

I will. Will you?

rewind.

2009-03-01T00:33:00.003+08:00

I had so many things on my mind today. I think deary hardly felt my presence. He kept asking me whether or not I was okay. And I kept nodding. But he knows I wasn’t okay. My attitude was different. I was restless, worried, moody, lost. Was I lost? I really had no idea. Right now, I’m not feeling any better. It just had to be raining heavily when we’re about to head home. I need to let it out. Shout or cry, whatever it is. I did cry when I was hugging my dear bf( thank goodness, he didn’t realize) and I did feel a bit better.

I really didn’t expect to spend my day together with deary that way. I’m very disappointed in myself. It was supposed to be a happy and memorable day, but I messed things up. I’m so sorry, baby. Although you think it’s fine, I know it’s not. We’ll make it up. We’ll re-celebrate it, the proper way. Next Saturday? What say you?

WAIT! ACTUALLY,
The day started off well. Now I realized why. If only I didn’t bump into my uncle. If only. I think that kind of spoiled my mood. Then my mind started wandering off to many different things. Yeah man. That’s the reason. Oh well! I wasn’t blessed to be able to spend the day the way I expected it to be.

the reason why.

2009-02-27T00:31:00.003+08:00

I look totally unglam because it was a candid shot and it wasn’t meant to be a kiss. I was happily talking to my dearest boyfriend when he suddenly just pouted his lips to me. hahah. And I look horrible here. It was taken at such a wrong angle. But I somehow still like this picture a lot. In some ways, though. Thank you eh Tashah for this awesome yet unglam photograph. hee.

27th February.
I bet some of you are wondering why I’ve been counting down the days to this day.
Well, that’s because it’s my anniversary with deary! This is our first year being together, and I must say, that we’ve been through quite a lot together as a couple. We’ve had our equal share of fights and arguments, but of course, the happier memories always manage take over the bad ones automatically.And with each moment that we go through together, it has made us stronger.
Our bond, our togetherness, our love.

I pray to God that we’ll always be given the opportunity to celebrate this day together, every year. Insyaallah. And may He always bless our journey together, helping us to overcome every possible obstacle, and to keep us united as one.
Amin.

Happy one year, honey. I’ve wished you well enough so I shall not elaborate much here.
I love you.

2009-02-26T11:40:00.000+08:00

blog under renovation!

don't let the melody run dry.

2009-02-24T11:11:00.000+08:00

Sit for a minute and hold my hand.
Let’s dig our feet into the sand.
Listen to the wave’s crash on the shore.
Let’s want a little and then yearn for more.
Let’s feel the sun upon our faces.
Let’s travel to new exotic places.
Let’s appreciate the things we’ve got,
even if it’s not a lot.
Let’s feel the wind flow through our hair.
Let’s feel the heaven as if we were there.
Because my love you are next to me.
And there’s no other place I would rather be.

blossom.

2009-02-23T11:32:00.004+08:00

four more days.

black velvet.

2009-02-18T15:36:00.003+08:00

when distance does not mean a gap

when time difference does not mean separation

when being away does not mean having left.

hahahah. so emo right? action feeling-feeling all.

padahal my bf is sitting directly in front of me.

lol.

ah k bye.

beautiful release.

2009-02-16T13:26:00.002+08:00

Saturday was Valentine’s Day. Omfg. I swear that almost 90% of the girls were carrying a bouquet of flowers given by their partners. And most of them were Chinese girls. What’s so great about Valentine’s? Deary and I always end up laughing when we see these people. It was so hilarious, seeing them flaunting their flowers in public. Big deal. We had our own date on that day. I met love at marina square as soon as I knocked off from work. Thank goodness my workplace is only five minutes walk from Marina Square. I literally had to squeeze my way through the crowd to meet Deary in time. The supposed plan was to catch a movie. BUT, the queue was superrrrr longgg, I tell you. It was so frustrating. Anyhow, we had lunch before we started roaming around the mall. We went through a whole lot of books in Times and especially Harris. And had tonnes of fun in between shelves. Hehehehe. I wanted to go elsewhere but somehow i know that it'd all be filled with people too. But somehow we managed to settle down at one of the Starbucks at Suntec City after much walking.

Eleven days to go. No work for me today, but yes for tomorrow. I’m getting my pay this Friday! A paycheck of a week’s worth of work. How pathetic, I know. But I have to save that to manage my transport allowances and other stuffs. I went running again yesterday. nyahahah! I must say that running can be fun actually. Every time I run, I feel as though I’m in a world of my own. I have my ears plugged and I feel so carefree every time I run. I used to loathe running before, like hardcore, I tell you. But now, it’s not that bad after all. I might run again later this evening.

I need to lose weight.

chao!

i need to go Ikea. And Prints.

give me the greenlight.

2009-02-13T13:51:00.003+08:00

yo. i've been very busy with work lately. that explains why i've been blogging abit lesser than usual. so. i just realised that its 14days away from my one year anniversary with deary and still havent got anything to get/do for him. well, i actually have many ideas since last night, but i'm still very unsure of which one i go ahead with. where's the girls when i need them? arrggh.

tmr's Valentine's Day. so what? deary and I are gonna spend the day chilling together, that's all. nothing special abt VD. it's not appropriate for us to celebrate either. but we have plans lined up for tmr. (:

p.s: Madasa's been very VERY busy with school and her beau that i think she's forgotten all about me. who do i turn to now regarding my anni? wtf. i'll just handle this my own. oh. i went for a run ytd. felt really good after that. hahahahah! Deary says if one doesnt exercise, they'll turn into a big mamma. lol.

white horse.

2009-02-08T01:05:00.002+08:00

Just when everything has been going on smoothly, here comes the paranoia. As always. This has happened before, and it’s happening again. Daddy’s words are still vaguely remembered till today. “How sure can you be that this man will be your future? Will he be the one you’ll be spending your life with? What makes you think that he’ll be faithful to you?” These were the questions he once asked me when he first learnt about my first and foremost relationship with a boy. And little did I know that my dad had been right that time.

Now, when things are turning out way better than I expected, or deserved, part of me is still wondering. It’s not easy to find the “right one” these days, especially when there are too many jerks out there. Then why does my heart sometimes feels scared to accept the fact that the one with me right now is here to stay? Why does my mind continuously keep playing tricks on me, trying to make me suffer? Mummy always says that often, we try too hard that we don’t realize that it’s seeping through bit by bit. But sometimes we just don’t want to worry at all because we just don’t want to ruin the moment. And right now, I feel like I’m stucked in between. I don’t want my relationship to be a mundane one but on the other hand, I’m just afraid that if I overdo it, it might make things worse.

Many would say that I think too much. I think I’d agree to that. I told my Andik Imran about what’s been on my mind these days. And he knew exactly what I was talking about. “Just know that I love you lots. Love does not equate to the number of kisses or calls I give you, but what I am willing to go through for you. The shortfall of kisses and calls doesn’t mean I love you less.” See. That’s what I mean that Allah is The Almighty. And that I’m grateful for this priceless gift He has presented me in my life. And at the end of the day, i feel as gay as ever.

Amin.
(:

Love is the beauty of the soul.

2009-02-06T13:20:00.003+08:00

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,

loving someone deeply gives you courage."

take me away.

2009-02-04T01:16:00.004+08:00

you can never love the same way twice. and like the saying goes, "Once bitten, twice shy." this Andik Imran of mine has been making me fall in love with him over and over again. it's gonna be a year we've been together. and he still has that impact on me. dangg! how fast time flies man. ive learnt many things about him in the past one year together. and till today, i still am. i think there can never be an ending to it. and through this relationship too, i understand more about myself. i just love him. i really really really do. i know this may sound cliche or what, but i'm quite confident with myself that he's the man that i want to spend my entire life with. he's constantly thinking about our future, on trips that he wants to bring me to( if we don't own a car till we're 40 cos we can be a millionaire by then, lol) , investment plans, having his own business(hahah), and so on. the most important thing is that we have a common purpose in life. and whenever i make mistakes, he'll tell it straight to my face so that i'll be able to learn from it. and the most crucial part for me- he loves kids too! hahah. how can i not love this guy. i can go crazy for loving him. nyahahah. and now as i'm busy typing away here, he's fast asleep. i can't sleep now, but i'm worried that i can't wake up later to meet him for breakfast. hehe. oh well. i guess i should go get some sleep now. prince charming is waiting for me. chao chao!

p.s: i love you.
(:

25 random things about me.

2009-02-03T12:41:00.000+08:00

1. I have been a slob since the start of my holidays.
2. I like to whine.
3. I can be a bitch at times.
4. I talk a lot.
5. I drink a lot.
6. I’m always in love with the same person. (:
7. I loooooove Beyonce.
8. I’m never a morning person.
9. My bestfriend is my boyfriend.
10. My breastfriends are everywhere.
11. Madasa’s my cousin/sister.
12. I can’t stay still at home.
13. I easily get bored.
14. I enjoy going out.
15. I love dresses.
16. Most of the time I’m always broke.
17. I have bangs!
18. I miss my iPod, my phone and my digi cam!
19. I wish I’m as rich as Oprah Winfrey.
20. I think Edward Cullen is sexyyyy.
21. I want to be married at the age my mom gave birth to me.
22. I’ve always wanted to pursue teaching as my career.
23. I love kids. I swear I love them a lot.
24. I still kiss my dad till today. Lol.
25. I'm still hoping I change my bf's mind on buying a car in the near future. haha.

what the hell. i'm just bored.

day two of the second month.

2009-02-02T17:51:00.002+08:00

Love's day off today, so we decided to spend some time together. we had lunch at Sakura's, the one near Peninsula Plaza. one thing to bear in mind. no more Thai Fried Rice. cos it sucked. and i wasted five bucks on it. dammit. i didn't even finish half of it. and love kept telling me not to pay for it cos its awfully disgusting. even he said so after trying it. first time there with him and we had such a bad experience. should have insisted on Komala's instead. shucks. anyway, i wanted to have sundae at Swensens since i have a voucher of one-for-one for it. but love's pushing everything to Saturday. like always. lol. i want to catch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and have sundae on Saturday. can babe? hee. we then headed home after some roundings at Downtown east(boring place) cos love has school to attend. i dragged my feet home siiiiiaaa. but nvm. i understand. lol.

and Cat's flying back tmr morning and i havent met her for the last time yet. my girl's on a date yo! i'm happy for her. for as long as she's happy. a breakup can never be easy. right?

yr2 babies.

2009-01-31T21:18:00.001+08:00

that was how we ended the last day of being a freshie.

together.

uncatogarized.

2009-01-30T11:55:00.002+08:00

hi love.

you owe me ten millions of hugs and kisses the next time i see you.

which would be in two days' time eh?

steady ah.

k i love you.

and i miss you.

and oh! tmr till monday will be the most anticipating days ever!

God, pls.

halo.

2009-01-26T13:48:00.007+08:00

i've not been able to spend much time with Deary these days, cos he's practically been busy with both work and school. and i only get to meet him after a week of not doing so. i've been wondering. " why is it so hard for us to meet although we're living a few blocks away from each other?" so i'm gonna make the effort to wake up every morning and see him off before he leaves for work every single day. i can't meet him after school/work cos it'll be late by then. so yeah. since school's out for me, and i've got no job at the moment, i'll do just that for him. its really a torture to wait for at least a week to get even a glance of his face.

Saturday's date with him was sweet. we caught the movie, BRIDE WARS, which was very nice and meaningful. it reminds me alot of me and Madasa. i got to spend much quality time with Deary that day. the day ended with even a more happening climax. lol. it's a secret. only between us both. haaaaaa!

i've got loads of photos to upload from Friday's outings with my classmates and also a few snapshots i took with my bf. but i'm lazy to do all that now.

chao chao! this cny hols are soooo boringggg!

p.s: tmr's the 27th. i pray for the many more wonderful sexay months to come!

i love you, you. (:

forever to bleed.

2009-01-20T20:40:00.002+08:00

I couldn't see.

But now I know that I acted selfishly.

I should've known that I let you down.

Caused you so much misery.

Because i let you down.

I'm losing time.

I should've tried.

A little more to be around.

i really miss you deary. i just need to see you.

we're so near but yet it feels so far.

i need you.

i do.

if this isn't love, then what is?

2009-01-19T09:00:00.005+08:00

though you'll be a busy bee in times to come, don't forget me. okay? (:

you know i love you.

Again.

2009-01-16T11:03:00.002+08:00

guess what. i've skipped school for like twice this week. many of us are already in the holiday mood, i guess. heee! one more week to go and we're done man! (:

oh! i went for an interview at a childcare centre in Sengkang yesterday. i must say that i'm very keen in the job. i love kids, ALOT! so i really hope i'll get the post. it's only part-time though. but i don't mind. i just need a job.

my internet at home is back on! yesss! the technicians came today morning, waking me up from my beauty sleep. deary has officially started a new job this morning and will only end at 9pm. i guess, i can't be meeting him every day, like what we've been doing before. but it's okay. he's saving up money for future purposes. lol. that is why i'm in need of job too bcos i want to do my part in saving up together too. (:

i'll be meeting Shah later at one(i think i'm gonna be late!) to go for more job interviews. let's just hope out of the many we have signed up, at least one of them will call us. *cross fingers*!

i'm hungry. and smelly.
toodles.

dead & gone.

2009-01-13T11:15:00.004+08:00

everyone always have a choice to make in whatever they do.
to be honest, i should have made this decision long time back.

i can't keep looking back at the past that i've been through.

i'm burying all the bad memories,

just like how the waves can wash the sand away.

humans make plans, have dreams.

but at the end of the day, it's God that decides everything for us.

that He has everything planned out.

break through.

2009-01-12T22:28:00.003+08:00

bugger off, bitch!

i don't understand why.

can't you understand simple english?

i suppose you do eventhough you're a typical malay boy.

but hey, you're girlfriend is an undergrad.

surely, you'll be smarter than i thought you are, right?

what i am asking out of you now is just to leave me alone.

no point texting me.

cos i am not gonna bother replying you.

whatever intentions you have, good or bad, just please keep it to yourself.

stop wasting your own time.

and i think its high time you do some soul-searching.

for your own benefit.

for eternity, i won't regret.

2009-01-09T09:55:00.004+08:00

yesterday, i finally made up my mind and made a decision. i've been feeling so content and blessed with my life lately. i want to erase every bad and ugly moments i've had in life- my previous relationship.

why should you still be counting the months like we've used to? it's been almost a year since we've parted ways. so why must you still be doing it? you may think i'm still the same soft-hearted girl like i used to. i'm no longer the same person you think i am. the girl that has always been giving in to any issue that comes in her way, be it good or bad. you know, you shouldn't have taken advantage of one's kindness. maybe perhaps i behaved that way because you were the first love i had. whatever we shared, it was nothing but a mistake. there, i said it. and thank goodness, you were the mistake that i made. i've learnt from that and have been trying hard to abstain myself from not repeating it again now.

many must be thinking why i am still talking about you, blogging about my past with you, still. it's because i've deleted everything that has got to do with you. i admit, it has been hard. it was indeed very tough during the first few months after the breakup. but something good came out of it. and i'm grateful for that. i've deleted your msn, and so have i deleted you from friendster. but i still have one more task to do. and that is to burn every single piece of evidence that greatly reminds me of you. yes, burn. i wouldn't want to throw it just like that. burning it means much more to me. seeing memories shared with you turning into ashes, will make me feel satisfied, will mark the time that you've never existed in me, that you've never been a part of me.

i was revengeful, angry, utterly disappointed and disgusted with the relationship you left me for. but when i reflect back at the bad things between us, the time when you laid your fucking hands on me, the endless nights you made me cry for you, it's not even worth my time. i won't fall for your sweet words or texts anymore. i've fallen for it once, and it got me into a big mess. i had to be cleaning up your shit. i'm through with everything!

i hope you'll come across this blog of mine one day. or with all being well, your babygirl will stumble upon this. and when you read this, i pray hard that you'll stop giving me a hard time after reading it. i'm breaking the promises we once made. and that was to never stop contacting one another come what may. but yes, i'm breaking that promise. because i'm doing it just like you. breaking so many promises you made to me. only if i knew that those were just empty promises.. if only.

it's a little too late for you to come back

say it's a mistake

think i'd forgive you like that

if you thought i would wait for you

you thought wrong

but you're just a boy

you don't understand

how it feels to love a girl

someday you wish you were a better man

you don't listen to her

you don't care how it hurts

until you lose the one you wanted

cause you're taking her for granted

and everything you had got destroyed

but you're just a boy.

the weekends are here.

2009-01-09T09:27:00.003+08:00

every morning i dread waking up so early, just to get dressed for school. i miss the days when i just have to wake up, shower, put on my uniform and just leave. those were the times that my face is makeup-free.

now, it's like a hassle for me. i always have to crack my brains every night before i go to bed, thinking of what i have to wear for the next day. don't get me wrong here. i love school. but the journey to and fro is just a pain to me. i also love dressing up for school on some days. but on some other days, i simply can't be bothered to. jeans and a tshirt is fine with me. and flipflops. lol.
i have something to blog here still, but not now. maybe later. i'm busy figuring out this Math qn.
brb!

oh nine.

2009-01-06T13:50:00.004+08:00

the sixth day of the new year, but still it feels the same for me. except for the fact that this would be my last teenager year cos i'm turning nineTEEN. gosh! time flies, don't you think so?

like many others, i have my own resolutions too. many of which i am not so sure on whether or not i can achieve. but i'm sure i'll get at least one or two through, and the rest-wth, who cares. nyahahahah!

so these are some of the resolutions set for 09:

to achieve at least 3.0 GPA for year 2 sem 1, considering the fact that i've been playing around in year 1.
shed some bloody weight due to my relinquish of canoeing. so many many fats have therefore been stored.

a new phone!
a new iPod!
a new digi cam!
to get a job!
and some others, which apparently i can't recall right now. lol.

i need a goddammit fucking job to be able to get myself new stuffs. with that, i can have lesser boredom at home. i'd rather work and earn some money than to waste precious time just like that. right? i don't care what job, i'll take it.so please, anyone, who has or knows of a job vacancy, please please let me know? thank you!

and oh! did i mention that only eight of us attended class today? hahahahah. goody! the lesser people, the faster we end school. great!

i've been meeting deary like almost every day. sexyyyy or what? this doesn't come by very often, you know. heheheh! loves it, baby!

ok, got to go now! chao!

the end.

2008-12-31T20:55:00.002+08:00

its been a memorable year.

loads & loads of memories and new experiences.

the good. and also the bad.

the fun and laughter.

the sorrows and tears.

people come, people go.

but time never stops.

and it awaits no one.

so,

may 2009 be even better than never before!

cheers!

what?

2008-12-30T14:28:00.002+08:00

Striving to be the very best that you can be is uppermost in your life at this time. Some of the things that you do now could be the result of longing to be the center of attention. You are a deep feeling, conscientious person who loves to give gifts; you like to feel appreciated for what you do. You have nothing to worry about--other people love to show you their appreciation. Dreams of some form of notoriety or fame and respect is granted . . . especially among family members. You may find this an intriguing, intuitive and possibly even a romantic time in which you will feel a lot of pride.

and my love horoscope for the day:

The end of the year is a good time to think about your future. Talk to your sweetie about what's working and what you'd like to make happen in the coming months.

lol.

i'm off to shower now. i've been craving for something from Bedok corner so deary's bringing me there later. teehee! loves it!

say a little prayer.

2008-12-28T21:54:00.006+08:00

24th dec 08, Wednesday.

i had a date with Dashu after sucha long time. we finally settled down a date to meet. so we had our mini shopping spree at Parkway Parade before we headed off to town. it was a bad timing to head down to town cos it was manifested with people and sales everywhere! and i just had to be a 'little' broke! but it's alright. after spending the day with her, planned to meet up with Deary before going back home together. but guess what. he got into an accident! i was shocked and traumatised that i broke down upon seeing him covered in blood. his head had two big cut- one on his forehead and the other at the back of his head. i was dabbing his wounds slowly with tears rolling down my cheeks. and his blood was all over my hand. thank goodness the ambulance came quickly and they brought him to SGH for treatment. those wounds definitely has to be stitched! and it did, of course! i was there with him throughout the whole thing. pushing him on the wheelchair from one room to another until we were done. luckily, he didnt have to be warded. we spent roughly around four freaking hours at the hospital. and the cab fare was close to 2obucks. all that didnt matter. what mattered the most was that he was safe although there are a few wounds to be treated. including the stitches. omg. cant think of that, it creeps me alot.

25th dec 08, Christmas.

it was a boring one for me cos i was stucked at home the whole day cos daddy had to work. fortunately, my bro came. i spent the whole day with my little niece although she was sick. but amazingly she was still talkative as ever for a one-and-a-half year baby. and Madasa dropped by too! and she got me the Mango top that i wanted! it was such a lovely surprise! along with that were a new pair of slippers she got from Malaysia. lol.

26th dec o8, TGIF!

as you all may have read in my earlier post that my bag got stolen on the day of my FTT, i headed down to CDC
to book my FTT again for the third time cos my acc balance wasnt enough for me to book online. upon reaching there, i had no idea i cant book it bcos i have to renew my fees first! WTH! i had no idea i had to renew whatever fees in the near future. so i made a wasted trip there. bloody hell. anyway, after that, i accompanied Deary down to TP which was a few streets away from CDC, so it was no hussle. thank God. lol.

27th dec 08, our tenth month-sary!

although it's been only ten months, it means alot to me. deary always say that there isnt a need to celebrate it every month bcos its said to a an ANNIversary. heh. so yeah. we've been going according to that. but we still share the day together and have our special moments. nothing that special. but memorable enough. loves it! (:
and oh! my little bro has gone off to Malacca with my uncle and their family. till Wednesday. i'm missing him, but i can have the whole house to myself! heheheh.

till then, toodles!

and people, please cherish the ones you love. sometimes you have to expect the unexpected in this ugly world. every night i say a little prayer to Allah, to always keep my loved ones safe and sound. for Him to always protect him from any harm and danger. cos these people mean alot to me.

to my one and only, Madasa.

2008-12-23T17:22:00.002+08:00

I was surfing the net and after getting bored of it, I stumbled upon Madasa’s blog and I found something which really touched me.

“we as humans, we don’t realize how ignorant we are towards the ones dearest to our hearts, until one day it hits us, and we realize that we've missed out on a lot.”

We don’t realise that we are sometimes neglecting the people whom we’ve been sharing our lives with, until one day you feel lonely and down. I’m happy that my partner in crime, my bestest girlfriend, and the one and only sister I never had, has finally found her other half. And yes, with school and other responsibilities that fall in together, I didn’t want to make your schedule any more hectic than it already is. I must admit that we’ve been missing out on the times we used to have, to just chill over a cup of bubble tea in Central, laughing and screaming lungs out, acting like a bunch of public nuisance. But we didn’t care about all that. That’s because we always have fun together. You’re always the first to know in everything that happens in my life and we’ll always be calling each other like thousands of times each week. It’s not that you’re no longer the first to know what’s happening in my life, it’s just that time doesn’t allow it to happen that way. It’s not a person who’s being an obstacle, it’s just our routines. It’s not that things have changed, honey. We’re just going through a different phase right now. We’re adapting to the lives which includes a few new members in it. You get what I mean, right? Although we sometimes don’t meet for so long or even chat on the phone, you know that I’m always missing you. From time to time, I do call and ask for you. To see whether you’re free so we could meet up and have the latest updates. But we both know that our schedule and time doesn’t permit us to do so.

Life without you will be so mundane. You’ve always been the one to crack me up, the one who’ll be there when I need a shoulder to cry on. Only you have gone through the extremes to share my pain. It was you who wiped my tears away when I was having problems. It was you who travelled so far just to give me a hug when life felt like a turnover for me. So don’t ever think that because of our tight schedules and whatnots, it’s going to rip us apart. Nothing in this whole wide world can separate us. No matter where I am, what I am doing, you’ll always be remembered. Do you remember I often say that you can’t live without me? Well, I can’t live without you too.

Don’t worry. I’ll always have time for you. And make sure you slot some time for me too. I’m happy when you’re happy. And I’ll feel sad if you’re feeling sad too. I love you babe, since the past eighteen years of our lives and will always do forever.

Since we’re having our holidays now, let’s make great use of it and spend time together like our good ol’ days. What say you? Yes no?

dearest,
me.

i've lost everything.

2008-12-16T12:33:00.002+08:00

i'm speechless.

i swear to God to the person/people who took our bags away, that you'll die a terrible death.

my stolen bag had everything that stores lots of memories for me.

my less-than-two-month-old phone.
my beloved iPod nano.
my sexy digital camera that i bought with my hard-earned money.
my small little notebook that i share with my bf.
my make-up pouch with has everything from plasters to sanitary pads to makeups and more.

thank goodness i had my wallet with me. the wallet that was a birthday gift from deary. and also thank goodness i had my ezlink. imagine if i'd have to lose these too. i'll be stranded at Parkway. and i'd have no money to quench my thirst.

i didnt really feel the impact when this incident happened. it was only when i got home that i realised that my digi cam was in that bag too. only at that point of time, i broke down. and i was supposed to meet Shah after having lunch with Wan, but since this thing happened, i sort of ditched him. i didn't even call him cos i don't remember any of my classmates' contact. i was feeling extra bad thinking about it. i even missed my driving test. how am i supposed to take the test with me being so traumatised?

now, how i wish a time machine really exists. it'd make a great help for people like me.

thank you for the ice cream baby. it kind of cheered me up a little bit.

don't you let me go tonight.

2008-12-12T09:26:00.004+08:00

class is so empty today. hahahah. of course it would be cos today's the last day of the term. we'll be having three weeks break babyyyy!

what's the latest updates?

cat's back! and i finally met her on Tuesday.
someone has been msging me lately. why ah? damn you.
i'm like totally broke.
i'm currently a debbie cos i need i job. desperately!
i missed my etrial yesterday cos i was ill.
yes, ive been sick for the past two days. and still am.
i've finished watching Paris Hilton's My new BFF! LOL.
i bought another new top online. <3
no more NS for ANDIK IMRAN! HUAHUAHUA!

so, that's about it. i'll be going down for an interview in town with Shah this coming Monday. My FTT's on that same day too. plus, Kyle said there's vacancy at Borders Parkway. so i might be handling in an application for that too. although Parkway has a lot of history for me, what the heck. i don't give two shits anymore. hahah.

Since my dear Andik Imran completed his Standard Chartered marathon, i'm proud to upload this. (:

hee. so proud of you, love.

ALL SMILES.

2008-12-07T00:30:00.006+08:00

i headed down to Marina Square after school on Friday with deary to get my shoes and also to have dinner together. supposedly, the initial plan was to meet Cat, but since she didnt have any updates for me, i went on my date with deary instead. surprisingly, after many months, we had a shopping spree! but it wasnt an impulsive one though. we shopped after much thinking, you know. i got two pair of shoes( finally) and a tunic top/dress from Topshoppppp! its been quite some time i last got something there. Topshop/Topman is currently having some christmas sale, some 50% discounts and not forgetting, those scratch cards. the scratch cards are fabulous, i tell you. you can easily win back your purchase or even get great discounts for your next visit! but you have to spend 60bucks and above to get those scratch cards. deary got two new pair of jeans from Topman too. it was a good buy i must say. and they're very sexy. plus he deserves a little treat from all the working lately. heh.

i need to update my photo album already. i kept forgetting to bring my digi cam when i'm going out. dammit.

good luck, hon. for your marathon tmr. sorry i cant be there with you. i have some plans with my family already. but dont worry. i know you'll do well. love you! (:

and oh! did i mention i'm a debbie currently cos i've been desperately searching for a job??? HELP??!

nobrokenheartedgirl.

2008-12-04T13:30:00.002+08:00

deary got into an accident the day before yesterday, and i'm to be blamed. it was raining so heavily that i suddenly got so worried about his safety. i merely msged to tell him that i was feeling worried and the next thing that could happen was that he got into an accident. i'm such a jinx. i didn't expect such things to happen bcos i know he's a careful and safe rider. i wasn't cursing him when i sent him that msg. my intention was to tell him to be extra careful especially in such weather. but thank goodness he's alright. thank you GOD for protecting him. i didn't even get a peaceful sleep, thinking about him. i'm truly sorry, hon. i really am.

yesterday, i skipped class halfway to meet him at Tampines Mall. i felt so bad and guilty that i decided to treat him to Pizza Hut. heh. we both had student meal. how cute. and the waitress didn't even asked us to present both our student cards. good. cos only i had it. deary doesn't have his. YET. hehe. he'll be starting his degree in SIM soon, then he'll be considered as a student too. heee! after a hearty lunch, we window-shopped here and there, trying to get a decent and appropriate gift for his cousin's belated birthday. only to realise that his legs are 'injured'(LOL), we made a pit stop at Starbucks to get a drink and played Word Challenge at the same time. that game is addictive, i tell you! i was playing it non-stop with him, that our neighbours can't help but look at it too! lol. and yes, we had a great time together yesterday. he never fail to make me laugh my lungs out. i don't even care what the public will think of me with the way i laugh hysterically, but he was my daily dose to keep my life stress-free and happy. he's always been the one to cheer me up, to pamper me, to laugh along with me although my jokes are lame. HAHAHAHA! that's one of the million reasons why i've always been in love with him.

and today, right now, i'm bored to death. i've been patiently waiting for Catty to call me and let me know that she's back hereeee! aaarrghh! i don't know the exact time of her reaching Spore. but what i do know is that i can't waitt!

and tgif tmr! i'm gonna meet deary tmr after school to get my shoes at CLUB MARC. yessssssa! oh and tonight i want to go to the Pasar Malam with deary near our place. heheheh. just in case some of ya'll who doesn't know, my bf stays a few blocks away from me. how sexy right! i know. lol. alright, GTG. meeting mommy now!
chao chao, lovelies! (:

Hit me like a ray of sun.

Burning through my darkest night.

You're the only one that I want.

Think I'm addicted to your light.

I swore I'd never fall again.

smash into you.

2008-12-01T12:04:00.002+08:00

I get so excited when you travel with me.

Baby, while I'm on my grind And never would I ever let my hustle.

Come between me and my family time.

You keep me humble out of this hype.

Cause you know there's more to life.

If I need you, you will be here.

You will make the sacrifice.

Don't fly me away.

Don't need to buy a diamond key to unlock my heart.

You shelter my soul.

You're my fire when I'm cold.

Just want you to know.

"hello" by Beyonce.

beautifully sculptured.

2008-11-27T13:57:00.004+08:00

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, they say.
provided you got someone who is still willing to stick around even after you acted like a jerk.
heh.

Through the good,the bad,the ups and the downs,I'd still be here for you.

i love you, Andik Imran.

now & forever.

lace and leather.

2008-11-26T15:33:00.003+08:00

i went for an interview at Robinsons at Raffles City with classmates on Monday cos we badly need a job for the upcoming holidays. major reasons are that we're really really broke to shop for everything and anything, and also to kill time and not grow fat during our holidays. nobody wants to be a slob, you know. hahahaha.

if i'm a slob, will my bf still love me? hmmm. LOL.

omg, i miss LIYANA BINTE ABDUL SAMAD a.k.a MADASA.

i've not seen/chill/talk to her for such a freaking long time.

i miss her. i really do.

&yes, CATHERINE NICOLE ROBERTS will be touching down in 7days!

YEAY!

can'twaitfortmr.

embrace my soul.

2008-11-25T13:22:00.001+08:00

A winner makes commitment.

A loser makes promises.

agree? (:

water runs dry.

2008-11-21T14:12:00.014+08:00

thank God it's Friday! i've got many things going on this week. i've been constantly feeling so tired and emotional too. and it's always the same person i'm venting it too. sorry baby.

deary got a new job already. he started work on Monday and there have already been so many times that i got so frustrated and felt that i was being neglected. lol. i know i know. i'm easily paranoid. but sometimes i really cant help it. blame it on my ovulating phase right now. heh.

on another note, Cat's coming back in 12 dayssssss! i've got so many things planned out for us already. shopping, sentosa, surprises! it'll be fun. i'm having holidays soon too so it'll be even more fun. and we've got tons of stuffs to tell each other. told some, but more to come. really looking forward for that bitch!

and!! i'm having plans with deary tmr. we'll going to spend some quality time together. and i need to get some NECESSARY stuffs too. so does he, ithink. i actually have a wedding to attend but i don't feel like there's a need for me to go. plus mom said it's ok if i didn't want to come. yay! and i'm hoping that this coming Thurs he'll knock off work earlier so we can have dinner together, at least. that's cos i knowheknowweknow. right love? :))

i got this from Xuan's Facebook. missing the babies already. hahahah. we're gonna meet up soon to update each other. i know there are loads of stories to be shared. (:

two were late; tashah & mary. thanks alot eh. cos of that, we didnt manage to capture our usual group photo.

oh ya. since hols is around the corner, i'm signing up for relief teaching hopefully i could help out at my former schools. the pay's not bad at all. really. go check out the website if you want to know what i mean. heh. but if i don't get that, guess i have to find some other job. damn.

footprints in the sand.

2008-11-18T21:14:00.003+08:00

why do humans repeat the same mistakes over and over again?
i sometimes need 'that' attention from you and hoping that you'll give me that. but no. you don't get the message i'm trying to convey. you sometimes don't understand why i'm blankly staring at you when you so hyped-up? i need those hugs and kisses. come on, baby. let's make this happen. let's not lose this. but please help me lose the insecurities and the phobias i have in me cos i'm fully aware that it's not healthy. i don't want to lose you.

treasure it, love.
treasure it as much as i do.
like how i cherish you and the love you've been showering me.

superhuman.

2008-11-17T15:46:00.004+08:00

two halves make a whole. (:

last Saturday was so much fun for me, for us, for everybody. the reunion dinner we had over at Dash's place was great! it was nice seeing them once again. everyone was there. unfortunately Xuan had to leave much earlier and therefore she missed the belated surprise for both Jonita & Mary. our boys were with us too. the bachelorettes in our group are left with Dashnee & Germaine. these two are still having fun mingling around. so happy for them. all of us have grown so much. looking at how we're all dressed, speak and act in everyone's presence, really surprises me. they even smoke now. it may be nothing to some, but it's really something for me cos it was something i thought they'd never try. oh well! mindsets change from time to time,you know. only Mary & I have never tried that. nyeheheh!

and today, i didn't attend class. lol. i had very bad stomachache and plus, i was just so lazy. monday blues. time really passes so fast these days. the year's coming to end and it's gonna be a brand new year again. how fast is that! i'm still thinking of which electives to choose for next year. i need to have a final decision cos the module selection is tmr!

sales management
finance accounting
business finance
human resource management
marketing

this Friday is Madasa's Pentas:Sutera performance. i'm still trying to sort my schedule out for this week hoping that i'll be able to attend her performance. and trying to get Mr. Busyman to come along with me. he just got a job so i'm not quite sure if he's in for this. i hope he does cos he knows how much this girl means to me. cheh! chao chao, people! (:

ten more days, baby.
for sure i'll be lovin you the way you've been lovin me.

this is it.

2008-11-13T22:15:00.004+08:00

it's official. i'm finally back to using this. heh. so itchy backside i tell you.
its been almost a month since i last open this new account and hence, many things has been happening.

its almost nine months of being together with ze most sweetest man ever met! :)))))
school's getting more tiring than ever but classmates have been the bomb!
i'm gonna be an aunt, again! my sis-in-law is pregnantttt! my baby niece is gonna be a sister. how cute!!! :)
deary has COMPLETED his NS. like FINALLYYYYY. heh.
and i'm getting fatter cos i'm no longer a canoeist. hahahah. funny sia. but kinda miss the mates alot.
been trying to get a part-time job but at the same time, simply can't be bothered.
and some problems that i'm facing right now that i don't wish to share with anyone except a few onlyy.
and yes, i failed my FTT twice already. lazy to study, that's why. LOL.

that's quite a long list. hahahah. i'm meeting the KC babies this Sat for Dash's Deepa Dinner. i'm really looking forward for that bcos its been donkey years since i last saw each one of their bitchy-ass faces. and my Catty baby is coming in 2o days??? something that i've been waiting for months! and last but not least, MADASA! do i still exist in your busy life/schedule/world/whatever? like hellloooo??!! where the bloody hell are you! i need these various people for a reason. and only they know why.

and to you honey,i love you more and more, even more than a second ago. (:

this is like, the third time?

2008-10-22T14:12:00.001+08:00

i've deleted my blog like twice. that's because i wanted to try something new, which is eljay. but now i have this strong urge to use Blogspot once again. as you can tell, i'm a fickled-minded person. in almost every way, actually. i was just chilling with my friends during our break time and we were exchanging blog sites when i suddenly became interested in Blogspot once again because of their templates. the templates there are just so sexy. Eljay has them too, but i have completely no idea how to edit them. no seriously. none of my gfs are using eljay, so i practically have no one to guide me through it. nyeh! i guess i see you all soon. got to go now!

chao chao!